Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
