it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
