just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize