I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
