then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
