My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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