Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
