if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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