He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
