You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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