I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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