this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this boner is exhausting
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
