I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
