First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
