If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
