Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize