i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
