Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
