You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
