im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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