I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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