i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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