NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
