so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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