So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
