I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
