So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
