so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
