I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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