I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
