I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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