Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this just has baby written all over it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
