Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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