i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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