watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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