I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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