Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
