dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize