you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
