1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
