WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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