Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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