I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize