if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize
