You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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