i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
