Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude i'm inner monologue high
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize