he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
