It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
