with your own penis?
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
