My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
