I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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