Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
