I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
