Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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