Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
