hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
