He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize