Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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