Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
