I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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