It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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