Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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