It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
