Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
