the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
