glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
