I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need to align my fucking chakras
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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