You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
