Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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