A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
