I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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