i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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