Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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