so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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