You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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