I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
