I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
