Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
