I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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