i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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