In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
