ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize