She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
