Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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