Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
