I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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