I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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