oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
