If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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