I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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