he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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