Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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