Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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