fuck your aforementioned shoe
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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