both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
