my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
