She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
