oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I supernannyed him into submission
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
