Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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