Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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