you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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